As a child, and I am sure my siblings will remember it differently, when we would do our deep cleaning days, my mom would always send me into the bathroom to clean. She always chose me. Why? Because I would happily lock myself in the bathroom for a few hours (with a window open, of course) and scrub that thing from top to bottom and not leave until it was sparkling. It was like a badge of honor for me to get it so clean. I loved it!
As I head to my own bathroom to clean it this morning, I found myself wondering where that determination that I had as a child had gone. The determination to make it as clean as possible and the stamina to spend hours doing so, if necessary. As I look around my own house, I definitely do not see it! My house is a mess. I have clothes piled up that need to be washed. I have a pile of dishes that need to be put away (only because I just got done washing them, otherwise, they would need to be washed, too). My bathroom is not even close to my old standards of clean, hence I was scrubbing it this morning. I have so much STUFF, most of which I am not even sure how it got into my house or what I should do with it. I have meals to plan, appointments to schedule (I don’t remember the last time I saw a dentist), and paperwork to sort through (anyone else despise mail?).
Why?! Why can I not just get up and clean the whole house? Scrub the bathroom like I did when I was a child still living with my parent. Find a spot for everything that I need to keep and get rid of the rest. Wash the clothes, dishes, etc. And, don’t even get me started on the dusting that needs to be done! Heaven forbid, anyone ever dust in here!
As I reminisce on the “old days”, I realize through my frustration of the state of my home, that my persistence has brought me through a lot of rough days. I have had times in my life where determination was the only reason that I came out on the other side. Years of hardship that would have knocked me to my knees as a child. That is where my determination had relocated.
It was with me when we found out my husband was deploying.
It was with me when I realized that I was having a baby while my husband was stuck in the Middle East.
It was with me through the years of depression that I fought after losing the ability to do many simple things, such as pour my son a glass of milk, because of multiple sclerosis.
It was with me in the doctor’s office when I received the difficult news that I had cancer.
My determination never left me, it has always been here, (sometimes to the chagrin of my loved ones 😉) and it will always be a part of me. It is just showing up in a different way than it did when I was a child.
What do you feel like you have lost? Look at it in a different light. Where has it relocated?
Fresh of Breath Air 